Me and my personal coach had the second session and as you most likely know, the reason to find a good personal coach is to work on, and improve on, who you are. Life is a movie that you create on your own however sometimes it is very wise to get a birds eye view on it, and that is where a good coach becomes a very important topic.
Let us start up with one of my favourite quote :
“ I want to be me, not the me you think I should be, not the me my wife think I should be, not the me my kids think I should be. I want to be me.
I better know who me is…”
So who are you, and more important, who am I….
My journey of figuring this part out started a while back and the work that gets me back on the right track is ongoing. So me and my coach started working through my future (the best coach will not spend time on the past), and we did go through a series of pointers and after a while he popped the question that really set my mind on a different path.
How much time do you spend on yourself and you own life?
Take moment to add up the things you do in a day and create a number ratio that gives you a direction. My score ended up being 3%. I was 3% myself, the rest of my life I was 97% you.
I spent my time on activities that my kids, girlfriend, boss, mom, dad and a few others liked to do. Very rarely was life spent on my own preferences. And this tells a story of a life not matching up to the intention of living, and my whole body and mind was telling me something was wrong but for some reason everything just got worse. I guess the mind comes to a tipping point where the confidence becomes greater towards what other people tell you to do rather what you tell yourself to do. Confidence is really just a word to describe how much you live your own life in relation to how much you live in ways that others want you to. However confidence is just a word that collect details in order to make it easier to express something. Just like we call a truck a truck instead of listing up all the parts and how they are put together in such a way that the image of a truck comes to our mind.
Taking the 6 senses of a subconscious mind and the conscious one not one contains confidence so there has to be more work to it than just fixing what is called confidence.
Concious mind senses:
Hear, See, Smell, Taste and Touch.
Reason, Will, Imagination, Memory, Perception and Intuition.
The confidence to me is an explanation of how my perception of something in relation to a memory. Memory and imagination is also the only senses we have that has anything to do with the past, yet we let it control most of our life…… And it may not even be a memory created by yourself, maybe you just read something somewhere that put a fear into your mind.
Why would people that never had an accident in a aircraft be afraid of flying?? It does not make sense, however they had to acquire the impression by reading or watching the news and then focusing on that when going flying. Did you ever talk to a crying kid, pick up a piece of candy and make him/her smile in a few seconds? It is simply a change of focus that changes the perception of the situation. Do it enough times and the kid will cry in order to get the candy.
So when you start focusing on fixing a problem all kinds of options pops out of nowhere. While I was writing this blog someone came at me with a ton of accusations. I was messy, unorganized, had no clue regarding money and more of the same according to them.
What the person did not know, was the fact that I was writing this blog and usually the my reaction would at the end be to take a walk in the neighbourhood. However this time while walking out to the hall I spent a second to actually decide how to react, and figured out that I was not going to walk away from this. Instead of doing what my memory was telling me, I started with reasoning and then added a bit of will to walk back in. If it happens again my memory will have changed and the reaction will most likely be even more of my own will.
Situation turned from 100% you to 100% me. Gives a pretty good feeling. So being on a winning streak I sat down and wrote an email to someone who masters branding in order to see if he could help with a project of mine. Then this morning my boss called and said that one of my sales that fell short last week, all of a sudden popped back in and I made money without even doing a sales meeting. I am a big believer of that the harvest life gives you will be ten-fold the seed regardless of it being a good or a bad. And just imagine what everyone gains on their harvest if you do all the work!
I do believe very strongly that being 100% of yourself 100% of the time will create loneliness, sometimes it is very wise to put on someone else’s hat in order to get perspective. I have talked to a few nurses that went to Africa during hunger crisis and changes the values, being influenced by others and letting yourself being influenced by others will make you a better person. But let it be a choice, not a habit. Dare to walk away, evaluate instead of just accepting and trust your intuition.
So now I am on a road never traveled before and make no mistake, I am not working my way back to who I used to be. Being stuck in the past will create poverty and unhappy people. Some parents look back to their parents in order to raise their kids properly, forgetting the fact that 35 years ago the cell phone was unknown for most of the world, that equipment was recently sent up into space to explore the sun and putting people on Mars is something that we start believing in. Living in the now and for the future will always be hard for someone, and if you follow them it will take you nowhere.
So my journey has just started and it will be tough to let go and see what happens. However what I have found when changing is that there are more support in the new people I meet than the ones left behind. I quit my old job and started into a completely new field and there is no need for going back, my new friends and team gives me confidence. The habit of being someone else still stays with me and I need to watch it order to get better. It is time to put the words on a goal card and living it every day until the old habit has been changed.
“You better know who you is”. Now, who are you really? Are you really someone else?