It is a amazing how one happening in someone lives, or actually how someone reacts to a happening will change the path you are living. Very often it is happenings that creates a final result and something that cannot be reversed. Examples would be death of someone special, breaking something that is impossible to re-create, selling the family farm, becoming a parent and other situations that happen suddenly that can not be reversed.
Or the old fashion, crushed heart.
What I have found is that it is not what happens, it is how you react to what happens that will determine your future path.
Let me tell you the story.
I have always been the one to take charge and search for responsibility and really thrived when helping out in the ways possible. I was the spokesman for my class, organizing trips within and outside the country (before internet showed up), gathered money and worked extra at the school in because I loved the feeling. Life was really in the prime and felt like a freshly overhauled engine purring.
This was in great contrast of my previous years at school that contained being bullied, broken legs, feeling worthless and my biggest dream was to leave and never come back.
Now I was the go-to guy, extrovert, getting A’s and life really could not get better. However one day it did become even better. I got the girlfriend of my dreams and everything just became even better.
When was your time when you felt like everything was prepared in a great way? Think back to that point, even if it was only for a few minutes!!
But as you will find out it is a change in the story, but keep in mind that I never blamed anyone or disrespected their decision. I accept other peoples choices despite them being against my choices. I reacted in a stupid way, please follow along.
I was working a summer job and she came to visit, while I finished off my dirty and dusty work she sat in some dusty stairs with the most amazing dress and looked like diamond. I almost felt ashamed to not have a proper place for her to sit, but she tolerated it and the whole summer went by in the best way ever. We travelled, talked about the most personal stuff, laughed, cried, fixed cars and loved life.
Fall came along and this one time a stopped by it crashed. No explanation or warning. Just visiting as normal, conversation and BOOM I was dumped.
Needless to say, this was one of those times in life that happens without any warnings (that I figured out) and nothing I could have influenced. We still went to the same school and it was really tough.
HOW TO DEAL WITH UNEXPECTED HAPPENINGS
It took me years, but as you read along please relate to it, most likely you had something happen that changed you (good or bad) without you really paying attention to it.
On the way home this day I was a mess of feelings and for some reason my reaction flipped my life upside down.
I got in the car and on the way back my brain made a plan on how to get her back. Act as a victim, make her feel sorry for you. It was automatic and it failed in all areas.
I quit being the spokesman for the class, did not get involved in any extra, got girlfriends in hope that she would get the feeling of loosing me.
The three ways of dealing with the unexpected
As I see it, there are three ways to react when something like this happens.
- Do the guilt trip
- Brush it of as one of lifes happenings and keep up the good work
- Fight it and work hard on changing the outcome
And this goes with just about anything. If you read something bad then you can react in one of those ways.
I left everything, and this became my new life habit. If something went wrong then I would try to make someone feel sorry for me until the problem was fixed.
Looking back, the real fact is that it takes a lot longer and requires a lot more energy to live a life like that than the other two options.
It is a loosing game for yourself. But who are you? What direction to you tend to go when something major happen?
Do you ask for money when you are short or fight to acquire more of them?
This is a very important part of you to know since it will decide your future. If you take a risk and fail it will be essential to decide how you want it to influence your life. People that have a business and go bankrupt may go out stronger and better right away however many will use it as a way to play a victim.
The victim will tend to become a victim in a lot of others areas in life just as the other kinds of people builds on their decision.
I once was lucky enough and got the possibility to talk with a pilot that survived when a serious incident in mid air. He had a great network of colleagues and friends, so when the offer was made to talk to professionals to fix the bad memories he had, the answer was simply “no”. In order to fix this I have to fly. And so he did. He stayed in the air until retirement.
He did choose not to become a victim of the event.
So if you choose to be a victim. Remember that other people have to build their foundation before helping out with yours. So you will always be behind and being a victim.
Staying low for a while may happen. Just learn from my lesson and do not stay there and change other things to much that it becomes you. You will miss a lot of possibilities in life.
Go for what you want, if it fights back then pivot slightly and make it an experience. Your choice will impact your life.
Today, even when someone close dies and the first reaction has passed. I am great full to have been a part of their life and have learned good and bad. When a sale goes wrong I go for the next one instead of waiting for someone to lead me to it.
It is only a decision that becomes a habit. Habits control your life.
I often imagine my outcome in life if the reaction would have been used in either of the other ways possible, would we be married? would my skills in organizing given me skills that would have been really valuable? Regardless it is time to become better and wiser!